This is the point of no return....and the lessons that I learned will be gathered and used as sutures for the wounds that I have earned.
Because every now and again I am faced with circumstances so far out of my control that I allow myself to resort to childhood with desire to hide in the nearest hole. And as much as I said that "I just want you to be happy"... I wanted you to find that happiness in me... And now its seems we must agree to disagree... Because I know I am not that girl I imagined in my head... I know I could not fulfill all those promises that I said. This selfish little bitch has surfaced and I feel helpless once again, not because I cant control the kid in me but because Im being a shitty friend. I want to say Im so happy, stoked, and overjoyed for all the excitement of your new little boy. So its best if we take a break from sight, a hiatus from your touch, a semi-permanent good bye from " I miss you oh so much".... because your heart is no longer mine to hurt due to lack of care, your tiny little pieces have been swept up and put in the shop for repair.... and this is my I am sorry, for not being a better fit....but I suppose this is best for both, as hard as that is to admit. I want to say I am proud of you, for growing up so fast. And how Im not surprised that you saved the best for last. You were my first real love, and also my first true friend and as much as my pride wants to stomp off, that friendship will never end. Its hard for me to say without feeling a little crazy.... but I can't wait to meet the little lady, and I am so excited about the baby. I simply must say Thank you, for helping me to change my ways... If you hadn't taught me about respect in love, I would be doomed to lonely days.... and fuck if I don't end up the cat lady anyways.... LoL
Thank you Friend....
Because every now and again I am faced with circumstances so far out of my control that I allow myself to resort to childhood with desire to hide in the nearest hole. And as much as I said that "I just want you to be happy"... I wanted you to find that happiness in me... And now its seems we must agree to disagree... Because I know I am not that girl I imagined in my head... I know I could not fulfill all those promises that I said. This selfish little bitch has surfaced and I feel helpless once again, not because I cant control the kid in me but because Im being a shitty friend. I want to say Im so happy, stoked, and overjoyed for all the excitement of your new little boy. So its best if we take a break from sight, a hiatus from your touch, a semi-permanent good bye from " I miss you oh so much".... because your heart is no longer mine to hurt due to lack of care, your tiny little pieces have been swept up and put in the shop for repair.... and this is my I am sorry, for not being a better fit....but I suppose this is best for both, as hard as that is to admit. I want to say I am proud of you, for growing up so fast. And how Im not surprised that you saved the best for last. You were my first real love, and also my first true friend and as much as my pride wants to stomp off, that friendship will never end. Its hard for me to say without feeling a little crazy.... but I can't wait to meet the little lady, and I am so excited about the baby. I simply must say Thank you, for helping me to change my ways... If you hadn't taught me about respect in love, I would be doomed to lonely days.... and fuck if I don't end up the cat lady anyways.... LoL
Thank you Friend....
three cheers to you my greatest friend to a new beggining far far from an end , to the one who showed me not to follow but how to lead to walk through life on my own two feet, when times get sad i think of you and i , all the fun we had , christmas eve , in gods hands , and the late night sessions smokin with your dad, through the nights the days and all the games weve played , made us what we are today , the greatest friends , when its time to say goodbye and leave this world behind, i know well meet again spread our wings and fly to a new beggining far far from an end , youll always have a special place in my heart nichole and ill love you always through the dark and the cold , through the young and the old. my greatest friend
ReplyDeletekinda what it was i think shit i cant remember
-Nick