Friday, August 28, 2009

Lessons learned, lessons earned, lesson....burned!

If a tree falls and hits my car while I am sleeping will it make a sound? And if it does....will I learn my lesson and not park there again? Or will I hope that the tree trimmers that came out each following morning, might have done a sufficient enough job to leave my new car safe.....Should I have bought tree insurance?

In every moment of our life.... there is a lesson to be learned, a scar to be earned and a way to get burned.... but we have to take the initiative and have our head on the shoulders that God gave us to fully see which way is which.....

Background......My streets are lined with beautiful large pine trees that were obviously not planned very well when the neighborhood was built due to their rather obtrusive nature on the streets, sidewalks and yards now that they are close to full grown.
I returned from vacation about 3 weeks ago and parked my car across the street in front of my neighbor Dennis' house. Now this particular spot used to be where Dennis parked his car because his wife's white Cadillac was parked in the driveway. She even went so far as to buy him a "Dennis Parking Only" novelty sign and nail it to the tree in front of their house... did I mention this sign was the last thing she bought her husband before she died?.... he eventually sold her Cadillac, and began to park his car in the driveway. So the neighbors are again free to park there. Unless you own a white Cadillac like I do. Because then, on two separate nights... EXACTLY 3 weeks apart... at 1:30 in the morning you will be woken up to the information that the tree that marks "Dennis' Parking Only" has dropped a HUGE limb on your car..... And here is the kicker. My car is parked in that exact same spot as I sit here an write today.
So back to the matter at hand... the parallels with this exact situation that LIFE has given me to that of my own life... Now a tree... the SAME tree has fallen on my car on two separate occasions... and unfortunately as it may be, this is how I seem to make decisions and learn in life. I make a mistake, get burned, earn a scar, suffer damage to my car, wish on a star and walk away learning from a far. Because I do it again.... knowing the risk.... just because I hope that this time might be different. And I know its not just me... I know more people than I can count on my hands and toes who are living on the hopes "maybe it wont happen this time", but Einstein said it best.............."Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result'" Now I have to wonder.... will I learn my lesson before the whole tree falls on me and park my car and my soul somewhere else and if I do that... will a different tree fall and crush me just the same or will I remain safe here with the newly trimmed beast hovering over me...Is this the trees coming for me to seek revenge for their smaller hemp sisters? Does this parallel my relationships? Is a ghost dropping limbs on my car? Does any of this mean anything??? To be continued.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Loving you, is the most healthy and unhealthy thing I manage to do. I try to remember what it was about you that I believe is still true.... And then I instantly become blue. Everything but me....... And I know I will never stop loving you... But Why? There isn't a reason to lead me to believe, that for just one second I should wish I didn't leave... But then there are those dreams, and the constant inner fights. That leave me sitting up wondering, what your doing tonight. Sometimes I send a text... still know that number off the top of my head, and when I don't hear back from you I remember the last thing you said. But some how I still want to knock on your door, and ask you what for, or if helping me through it would have been such a chore....just once more. Make love, fight until I cry, remember that with or without you I have nothing left to hide.... What if I one chance at happily ever after, all because I was too scared to put down my wall and let in a bit of laughter.... Too serious Nichole. Your always too damn serious.
But since Ive gone on...I fell like I lost that heavy weight on my heart, and now it seems I'm not such an emotional shopping cart. I now know who I really am, how much I can handle, and what I need from a man. I owe that to you and our loves inner war, If you ever decide that you want to be my friend, My heart is your open door..... xo