Monday, April 27, 2009

Blessings in the form of pain....

PhotobucketJust when I think I have things figured out, the essence of humility is sure to surprise me with an unexpected blessing. Now blessings can be within most any circumstance it is just up to the owner of the life being touched to see the gift being given. My most recent blessing was in the form of a car accident... as ridiculous as that sounds my life has been made better by the fact that I was in one of the most ridiculous crashes I have ever seen... I hit a parked car for cring out loud! And it wasn't the accident that made for such a blessing it was the the things that unfolded after. Not only did I realize I no longer wanted to live in a neighborhood that I had to hunt and offer lamb sacrifices to the parking Gods to find a spot, I have also I learned a bit of humility in having to rely on others for transportation but most importantly it allowed me time to assess my life and the the people and places I hold dear to my heart because while I was so busy driving around and occupying myself with useless activities I was unable to see that some the most important ones were going unattended or deliberately ignored.
Another blessing came in the form of a hate letter. Now, I would like to say that I do wish that I might have had a friend rather than I hate letter about the things I was doing wrong.... but hey at least I was able to see that its true, who I am is ugly sometimes...but fortunately for me I have made strong bonds with other very special people who are willing to hold the mirror to my face and help me clean the spinach from my teeth. Also in the letter I was made aware of the complete lack of transparency that my so called "friend" was willing to offer me and this made me see why I appreciate those who are willing to be honest about my faults to me without being hateful...
And my final blessing in disguise was the illness of my Grandfather. Now unfortunately this particular illness ultimately lead to his death, and that by NO means was a blessing to any one other than him because he was released from pain; however, the last few months of his life were like pulling the shades from my your blessings and of course fun were all things that my grandfather wanted to be sure to impart to his loved ones... while he never actually told me "These specific things are important" what he did tell me was "Stop wasting your time thinking about what you did have but don't any more, and start appreciating the things you do, like today.... all I have for sure is my family and today" That STUNG! My heart broke into a million pieces when I heard my Grandfather tell me that all he really had was us and today...but it was true.
All any of us truly possess is this moment... What are you going to do with it? Instigate a debate, get a ticket, make a call, write a letter, wreck your car, breathe, lie, make a movie, dream, embrace, explore, cry, make dinner, buy shoes, sell your soul, steal a heart, give someone hope, make love, make a baby, make a mess, take a picture, take their breaths away, or maybe take your last breath.... was it worth it?
xo Nichole West


Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Crooked Smile is Still a SMILE!

There was a lesson to be learned, and a story to be told buried in the dreams I use to keep from growing old... The law of average will catch the recklessness I failed to ignore and Karma will return all of the energy I made sure to implore. I searched for a beginning, a middle and end... but to most of those endings I did have to pretend. Pretend it didn't hurt, pretend I wasn't phased; however, getting punched in the face by a car has left me some what dazed....
I know that I am quite selfish... working on that as you read. And my pride...well most of that I am willing to concede. I try to have my cake, sneak off and hide some for later, and while he wasn't looking I flirted with the waiter. Admitting my faults, is one of my least favorite past times... but at least I got away without committing any more crimes.
I am sorry that Im so opinionated, Im sorry I felt the need to be sedated...I wish I would have thought twice before I told you why I should be hated. Now you know who I really am, and Im not that flawless life I pretended to own... But I do know its time in life for me to atone.
Growing up is frightening, and I do not want to ever go it alone. That why we have family and a few friends to call on the phone.
Swallowing all that life seems to shove down my throat, finally starting to understand why grandma tells you "BE SURE to take a coat!"...No matter how the day looks when you get ready to go, the clouds and rain always have potential to show... but its learning to be ready when the day slows you down and still rock the shit out of that smile even if you would rather wear a frown.

Monday, April 13, 2009


I once had this friend....I thought it was her
But lately a memory is all I have left to infer
My mind has been blown, and confused just the same
But I am pretty sure, I can take half the blame
Dictation and finger pointing has never been a great success
But now that I see it, I want to clean up this mess
Your too stubborn to admit fault of the milk on the floor
I try to mop it up, but you just spill some more
I know I helped break the glass, but there is room for repair
Ignoring that there is a issue, feels a little unfair
Loneliness will soon come, if no attention is paid
To the terrible friend this situation has made
People care, and want to help where they can
And everyone wonders how this ever began
Inches away from indifference, and miles from fine
Waiting here for you to find the time.


Thursday, April 2, 2009

The aftermath of a fool....

PhotobucketForgiving is difficult...for whatever reason there is a part inside every person that insists on holding on to the twinge of anger or hurt that is left within us about whatever it was the infected our insecurities. That lack of forgiveness often trails on into the continued behavior or action that we were upset at ourselves or someone else over in the first place. There are so many reasons that I want to be angry with situations, people and mostly myself; however, there are so many more miracles in my life showing me why resentment is not worth it... The less I try to force things to fit, the more they actually do.
The second that I realized me trying to fix things is what broke this in the first place I decided that wasn't how I wanted to live my life. The eternal cloud attitude would not be able to continue on into my adult life... but at what point to I separate the parts of me that I want to banish from the parts of me that are worthy... again I think if I just allow myself to be vulnerable and open rather than try to force the will be apparent. Many of the issues have already surfaced, and I wish that I had figured out that I am the projection and power of all the energy that I require and that my will should be aligned with Gods will.... forgiving, compassionate, free of judgment, and full of love. I am working on it.... The rope has been given to me, and now its my decision if it will swing me to safety or become my own demise... I have a positive outlook and think this humility is the beginning of it all. Its all my fault, I know.... To be continued.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My Chocolate Man

PhotobucketI bit the head off of a chocolate bunny today only to discover the similarities between the chocolate Easter animal I possessed in my hand and that of a man. Not all chocolate Easter bunnies are the same nor are any two men however some how they can all seem to be packaged into a few groups. Some chocolate bunnies are hollow, some are solid, some have nuts, others are cream filled and a few aren't bunnies at all, some are ducks! The hollow ones are disappointing because while you may have gotten your chocolate fix you can't help from feeling cheated on the big picture you thought you were getting. There is much to be gained from a hollow bunny in the ways of life...the hollow bunny will teach us that even though it might be beautiful and look perfect from the outside in the end we will not be satisfied instead we find ourselves longing for more... The solid ones are nice because there isn't any trickery and you usually know what your getting yourself into due to weight, however they are hard to eat and often quite boring because the lack of diversity. You may get half way through the ear only to realize there is no complexity to this treat or man and making you wish you could at least be pleasantly surprised about something. Surprise! There are nuts in this one, lets hope you weren't allergic and DON'T break a tooth... Then there is the cream filled, while it does make up for the hallow bunny in the fact that it is full and also for the solid one in that is is diverse, and the nutty one that its soft but what about the mess that it makes once you bite its head off? The bunny that you thought was going to hold its composure but as soon as its injured ruins your clothes and wastes napkins....

It seems they all look the same on the outside, and if we were to leave them wrapped in their Easter foil we may never know the difference, and it only takes one time to strip them down and bite off their ears to see whats really on the inside. The only downside, is that one bite might keep him from hearing you forever....might turn him into just a ball of caramel. I wish he could still hear me.