An erection does not count as personal growth!

Change is inevitable, right? There is no person in this world who is the exact same today as they were yesterday and this is the beginning and the end of so many problems. People change and grow together, grow apart, grow a fungus, don't grow fast enough, grew too fast, grow a new limb, don't want to grow, want to grow one way but fail in their direction or get real creative and try make a life out of it...growing that is. But what is the catalyst that sparks conscious maturation? At what point do we as human beings realize that even though nature takes us through the major, physical and biological forms growth and change.... the internal shape is up to the individual.

I have spent a good portion of my life explaining how the circumstances in my world have caused me to end up the way that I am. How, because someone else wasn't doing their part somehow my world wasn't right. The absence of a stable or sober mother gave me an excuse for my flawed social skills, my manufacturing and cheating father gave me an excuse for the lack of patience or trust, and my abusive step mom gave me real reason to hate women and have some intense anger issues... It wasn't until I was left alone in an hallow house with empty dreams and broken promises that I truly realized that the only way I am going to be sure my life ends up the way I want it to .... is if I ACTUALLY want it to enough to make a decision to change and practice some serious follow through. At one point I was actually convinced that I was going to have to change so much that I could make what I was doing at the time work out simply because of my own pride and fear of failure...but running away from something volatile isn't failure it is just and appropriate change, so long as your running in the right direction... I learned then and will continue to work on the transposition of my life into what I believe it should be. Change is possible. But only if you believe.



We are a generation of enablers. It has become a social norm to just say "because of my broken family" or "I never had a Dad" but the reality of the continual cop out we are all saying is "It really doesn't matter that much to me". Because even though it is true, we are shaped from birth on what to eat, how to dress, where do go, what to believe, who to trust, how to tie a shoe and so many more things we are given individual minds for a specific reason, to make individual decisions. Once we come to the realization that our parental figures have embellished the truth to us most of our lifes to scare us into submission of their rules and out of danger, we are then given the freedom of choice. Ignorance is bliss, but the knowledge will set you free! Once we realize that no one person has all the answers and that it is up to us as solo beings in the planet to find the answers that best fits our heart we are truly released from all the burdens we were given as children and harboring as adults....


"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." Anias Nin