Foreva.....

Loving you, is the most healthy and unhealthy thing I manage to do. I try to remember what it was about you that I believe is still true.... And then I instantly become blue. Everything but me....... And I know I will never stop loving you... But Why? There isn't a reason to lead me to believe, that for just one second I should wish I didn't leave... But then there are those dreams, and the constant inner fights. That leave me sitting up wondering, what your doing tonight. Sometimes I send a text... still know that number off the top of my head, and when I don't hear back from you I remember the last thing you said. But some how I still want to knock on your door, and ask you what for, or if helping me through it would have been such a chore....just once more. Make love, fight until I cry, remember that with or without you I have nothing left to hide.... What if I lost...my one chance at happily ever after, all because I was too scared to put down my wall and let in a bit of laughter.... Too serious Nichole. Your always too damn serious.
But since Ive gone on...I fell like I lost that heavy weight on my heart, and now it seems I'm not such an emotional shopping cart. I now know who I really am, how much I can handle, and what I need from a man. I owe that to you and our loves inner war, If you ever decide that you want to be my friend, My heart is your open door..... xo